Monday, 20 April 2009

• I know many of you want to know the whole story around April 10, 2009! Many of you would rather not read about our journey with Joseph Landon Marsh. So this is a warning that the following note is about the day my life changed!

   

   

  Well, my life has been a roller coaster ride the last 10 days. I never dreamed I would lose a child at 38 weeks pregnant. Everything was fine the day before; he was bouncing around like every other day. The next morning I woke up to a very sad phone call. A beloved member of our church had died. I was not feeling well, and little Landon was not moving. So, I took my blood pressure and it was high! So off to the doctor we went. After sitting in the office for 30 minutes they took us back to try and set me up on a stress test. Well after trying for a long period of time they could not find a heart beat. I knew my little man was always there and easy to find. I immediately said he was gone, but my heart hoped. Joe drove 100mph to the hospital just to find out that our son had died. I felt helpless because there was noting I could do to bring my little Landon back. I hoped all the way up until they showed him to me. At that point I knew Landon was in heaven with Jesus. Shortly after seeing my son, Joe showed me the knot in his cord. That was the first point I knew it was not something I did or didn’t do. The first time I held him my heart was ripped out of my chest and the last time I held him was 30 minutes before he was put to rest at Wheeler Grove Baptist Church. I know my little man did not die in vain. God will use his short lived life in my womb as a ministry for years to come. I am continually reminded that I have more than most. My two beautiful little girls need their Mom. They need me to pick myself up and move on with Landon in my memory. I do not think I will ever fully recover from this. Landon lives in my every thought and memory. I replay the entire day every time I wake up. I know with time that will heal and I will be able to rest easier.

   

   

  While my heart hurts and grieves every hour on the hour, I know my son is better off where he is. I know it will be hard for most of you to read this, but I need you to know I am ok. Yes! I am angry! Yes! I a do not understand! Yes! I will never forget!  Yes! I will always ask WHY? But if I did not ask you all would need to worry. Know that Joe and I are only growing closer through this process! He is my rock and the most wonderful man in my world.  

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